Tipping. Gratuity. Whatever you want to call it, I depend on it as my income. I can't defend the elderly or the foreigners by saying they "don't know" that they should tip more than 10%. They know. And to be honest the older folks are not the worst offenders. More and more I am seeing a trend of poor tipping in the middle age female category. Is it because you can't do simple math after you have had 2 cocktails? Is it because you have already spent too much of your husband's money today you can't add on that extra few dollars? Is it because you're a bitch? Or is it because I have a sparkling diamond ring and fabulous Gucci glasses and you think I don't need your money?
A woman walks into a restaurant..wait I'm not about to tell you a funny joke...but rather a true story...
This woman comes in for dinner with her husband. God bless his soul to be married to such a monster. They order 2 fatty appetizers right away, a beer for him and an iced tea for her. When I take the dinner order she tells me they don't want to be rushed, it's their anniversary. No problem, I hold off on sending the order through. The woman, let's call her Roberta, orders chicken enchiladas. This plate comes with rice and vegetables. But Roberta doesn't like veggies, in fact she hates them. She would like to substitute them for a cheese enchilada (I mean it's almost the same thing). Sure thing Roberta. In the mean time I have refilled her iced tea twice and when I go back for the third time, Roberta says in a snotty tone, "Um, and make it a fresh one this time." Whatever. Little does Roberta know her evening is about to take a dramatic turn for the worse. I am about to ruin her anniversary single handed! Someone else runs the food to the table and takes the wrong plate of enchiladas-a plate with (gasp!) about a 1/2 cup of vegetables on it. Roberta is disgusted and immediately sends the plate back. She waves me down and asks if I am her waitress (you don't recognize the person you have been bossing around for the past hour?) and explains the horror she has just witnessed. I apologize and go to the back to remedy the situation. In the kitchen we remove the evil veg and I bring the plate back to her. I tell her the cheese enchilada is coming right out. Roberta sighs heavy and rolls her eyes at me. I've about had it with this lady. But I smile and bring her iced tea #5.
Her husband eats his whole dinner while she slowly makes it through half of her plate. When it appears that she has finished eating I go by to offer a box. "I have a Lap-Band so I have go slow, but I'm still eating." Too much information. But it's all starting to make sense. Roberta had weight loss surgery thinking it would solve her problems yet she's still fat and now a miserable lady because she can't shovel in the food like she used to. Here's a little weight loss tip: replace cheese with vegetables. She manages to choke down a few more bites before asking for a box. I bring her a small box and she looks at me as if I have completely lost my mind. "Do you really think it's going to fit in there?" she asks in a condescending tone. "Oh yeah it will fit," I tell her. I mean I think it should fit, this is the first time anyone has ever asked for a box. Her husband agrees, "yeah, you can make it work," he says. "I'd really rather not, bring me a bigger box!" she demands. Would you really rather not? Did you really just say that? As you wish madam. I bring a large box for her small leftovers and do all I can to not throw it on the table as I quickly walk past. She puts the food in the box and realizes that her meal is coming to an end and starts eating out of the box! Cow.
The moment of truth. I drop the check and have mentally prepared myself to not get any sort of tip at all and I'm OK with that. I had stopped being nice about half way through. I mean I was only following her lead. I run the credit card and squeak out one more "have a good night" courtesy and disappear into the kitchen. As the couple leaves, Roberta grabs the manager and starts screaming about how horrible I was. Why do you wait til the end to bring this up? The manager had been by the table several times through the evening and nothing was ever mentioned about my incompetence and despicable nature. As she is carrying on and making a scene, the husband is behind her shaking his head no and mouthing "she was fine". I wish them both many more happy years of marriage.
I was going to include a copy of the credit card receipt but in an effort to keep all parties anonymous I will just share the note Roberta left on the top it reads: "I normally leave 20% but you have to be nice to your customers to get that. Not pleasant AT ALL!!" You are right, YOU were not pleasant at all. But hey $7 on $67.56, I've seen worse. Thanks Roberta!
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