Tipping. Gratuity. Whatever you want to call it, I depend on it as my income. I can't defend the elderly or the foreigners by saying they "don't know" that they should tip more than 10%. They know. And to be honest the older folks are not the worst offenders. More and more I am seeing a trend of poor tipping in the middle age female category. Is it because you can't do simple math after you have had 2 cocktails? Is it because you have already spent too much of your husband's money today you can't add on that extra few dollars? Is it because you're a bitch? Or is it because I have a sparkling diamond ring and fabulous Gucci glasses and you think I don't need your money?
A woman walks into a restaurant..wait I'm not about to tell you a funny joke...but rather a true story...
This woman comes in for dinner with her husband. God bless his soul to be married to such a monster. They order 2 fatty appetizers right away, a beer for him and an iced tea for her. When I take the dinner order she tells me they don't want to be rushed, it's their anniversary. No problem, I hold off on sending the order through. The woman, let's call her Roberta, orders chicken enchiladas. This plate comes with rice and vegetables. But Roberta doesn't like veggies, in fact she hates them. She would like to substitute them for a cheese enchilada (I mean it's almost the same thing). Sure thing Roberta. In the mean time I have refilled her iced tea twice and when I go back for the third time, Roberta says in a snotty tone, "Um, and make it a fresh one this time." Whatever. Little does Roberta know her evening is about to take a dramatic turn for the worse. I am about to ruin her anniversary single handed! Someone else runs the food to the table and takes the wrong plate of enchiladas-a plate with (gasp!) about a 1/2 cup of vegetables on it. Roberta is disgusted and immediately sends the plate back. She waves me down and asks if I am her waitress (you don't recognize the person you have been bossing around for the past hour?) and explains the horror she has just witnessed. I apologize and go to the back to remedy the situation. In the kitchen we remove the evil veg and I bring the plate back to her. I tell her the cheese enchilada is coming right out. Roberta sighs heavy and rolls her eyes at me. I've about had it with this lady. But I smile and bring her iced tea #5.
Her husband eats his whole dinner while she slowly makes it through half of her plate. When it appears that she has finished eating I go by to offer a box. "I have a Lap-Band so I have go slow, but I'm still eating." Too much information. But it's all starting to make sense. Roberta had weight loss surgery thinking it would solve her problems yet she's still fat and now a miserable lady because she can't shovel in the food like she used to. Here's a little weight loss tip: replace cheese with vegetables. She manages to choke down a few more bites before asking for a box. I bring her a small box and she looks at me as if I have completely lost my mind. "Do you really think it's going to fit in there?" she asks in a condescending tone. "Oh yeah it will fit," I tell her. I mean I think it should fit, this is the first time anyone has ever asked for a box. Her husband agrees, "yeah, you can make it work," he says. "I'd really rather not, bring me a bigger box!" she demands. Would you really rather not? Did you really just say that? As you wish madam. I bring a large box for her small leftovers and do all I can to not throw it on the table as I quickly walk past. She puts the food in the box and realizes that her meal is coming to an end and starts eating out of the box! Cow.
The moment of truth. I drop the check and have mentally prepared myself to not get any sort of tip at all and I'm OK with that. I had stopped being nice about half way through. I mean I was only following her lead. I run the credit card and squeak out one more "have a good night" courtesy and disappear into the kitchen. As the couple leaves, Roberta grabs the manager and starts screaming about how horrible I was. Why do you wait til the end to bring this up? The manager had been by the table several times through the evening and nothing was ever mentioned about my incompetence and despicable nature. As she is carrying on and making a scene, the husband is behind her shaking his head no and mouthing "she was fine". I wish them both many more happy years of marriage.
I was going to include a copy of the credit card receipt but in an effort to keep all parties anonymous I will just share the note Roberta left on the top it reads: "I normally leave 20% but you have to be nice to your customers to get that. Not pleasant AT ALL!!" You are right, YOU were not pleasant at all. But hey $7 on $67.56, I've seen worse. Thanks Roberta!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Bring me the check!
I've gotten a lot of positive responses to my first post. Everyone is eager for more and I am ready to give it to you. There are so many obnoxious things and situations that come with being a restaurant worker I could only list a few to start off with. Check back often as we look further into the fascinating-funny-make me want to vomit on your table- world of waiting tables.
How much longer must this go on?
It's so hard to find a good job these days. One that pays well, surrounds you with people you like, and gives you at least a 75% satisfaction rate. I suppose I should be thankful to have a job as so many people these days do not. But in all honesty, if my restaurant burned to the ground tomorrow I would say, "pass me some marshmallows and a couple more matches."
Sure, there are some things I like about my job- margaritas, tasting the wine before I serve it, guacamole, and going home at the end of the night. But the negatives far surpass these few good qualities.
1. The customers! Where do these people come from? Why do you look at me with disgust and confusion when I ask you if you would like something to drink? Did you forget you were in a restaurant? We don't serve diabetes, but the 3 liters of soda refills I have brought you will get you well on your way. If you are not ready to order, that's fine-I can come back. Please don't say your ready and then want me to stay and hold your hand while you contemplate big life choices like what to have for dinner.
2. The kitchen. These boys have enough sand in their vaginas to make you think you were on a beach in Mexico. I'm sorry that my table has special dietary needs and you're not going to be able to mindlessly pump out the same plate you have made a hundred times. Deal with it and quite your bitching. It's not as if we are running up to every table and telling them we would love to make you anything you would like for dinner-anything at all. It's a hassle for the server too-especially when I have to go to the back to discuss it with your grumpy ass.
3.Begging for change. Sometimes it really feels as if I am on the corner with a little cardboard sign, just hoping that someone will empty their pockets and find a nickel, a few pennies and some pocket lint to throw into my jar. I get payed $4.30 an hour- I hate it that I have to depend on random people for my income. I could bend over backwards with the biggest smile (most likely fake) and fulfill your every dining need. But your verbal praise and gratitude is not going to pay my bills. And people, you don't need to listen to everything Oprah says- 10% is NOT O.K. as a standard tip- especially in "tough economic times". If your service is horrible or I truly offended you when I asked if you wanted something to drink then fine. But if you are just a chronic 10% tipper- there are plenty of drive-thrus, or better yet, stay home!
4. Children. Ok, Ok, children are little people too, they need to eat. I get it. But my restaurant does not feature a toy land and you really must teach them how to behave and sit. I imagine it's like training your dog. Sit. Get fed. Stay. Don't get beaten. See how easy that is! And of course if your little nugget is so small that all of the food must be ripped into tiny little pieces and less than half will make it into a mouth, please clean up! I shouldn't have to scour the floors and seats after each visit from a kid. It's your child remember? Not mine.
5. Acting like I care. This is a toughy. I'm pretty good at it when I want to be, especially after 10 years in the biz. I guess it's a common courtesy to ask everyone "how are you?" or something to that effect and make it sound sincere. Of course I don't really care how you are, I just ask because it seems like the right thing to do. I think some people have caught on to this concept because sometimes you ask "how are you?" and the customer will say "Bud Light" when clearly that was not the question. In turn, you need not ask me how I am doing because I will have to lie and say "I'm good thank you" or some other lame response as it would not be appropriate to say, "I hate my job, and I go home smelling like tortillas".
Some might say, "why do you hate your job so much? It's really important work that you do. You are changing lives." ......"Yes," I say, "one basket of chips at a time."
Sure, there are some things I like about my job- margaritas, tasting the wine before I serve it, guacamole, and going home at the end of the night. But the negatives far surpass these few good qualities.
1. The customers! Where do these people come from? Why do you look at me with disgust and confusion when I ask you if you would like something to drink? Did you forget you were in a restaurant? We don't serve diabetes, but the 3 liters of soda refills I have brought you will get you well on your way. If you are not ready to order, that's fine-I can come back. Please don't say your ready and then want me to stay and hold your hand while you contemplate big life choices like what to have for dinner.
2. The kitchen. These boys have enough sand in their vaginas to make you think you were on a beach in Mexico. I'm sorry that my table has special dietary needs and you're not going to be able to mindlessly pump out the same plate you have made a hundred times. Deal with it and quite your bitching. It's not as if we are running up to every table and telling them we would love to make you anything you would like for dinner-anything at all. It's a hassle for the server too-especially when I have to go to the back to discuss it with your grumpy ass.
3.Begging for change. Sometimes it really feels as if I am on the corner with a little cardboard sign, just hoping that someone will empty their pockets and find a nickel, a few pennies and some pocket lint to throw into my jar. I get payed $4.30 an hour- I hate it that I have to depend on random people for my income. I could bend over backwards with the biggest smile (most likely fake) and fulfill your every dining need. But your verbal praise and gratitude is not going to pay my bills. And people, you don't need to listen to everything Oprah says- 10% is NOT O.K. as a standard tip- especially in "tough economic times". If your service is horrible or I truly offended you when I asked if you wanted something to drink then fine. But if you are just a chronic 10% tipper- there are plenty of drive-thrus, or better yet, stay home!
4. Children. Ok, Ok, children are little people too, they need to eat. I get it. But my restaurant does not feature a toy land and you really must teach them how to behave and sit. I imagine it's like training your dog. Sit. Get fed. Stay. Don't get beaten. See how easy that is! And of course if your little nugget is so small that all of the food must be ripped into tiny little pieces and less than half will make it into a mouth, please clean up! I shouldn't have to scour the floors and seats after each visit from a kid. It's your child remember? Not mine.
5. Acting like I care. This is a toughy. I'm pretty good at it when I want to be, especially after 10 years in the biz. I guess it's a common courtesy to ask everyone "how are you?" or something to that effect and make it sound sincere. Of course I don't really care how you are, I just ask because it seems like the right thing to do. I think some people have caught on to this concept because sometimes you ask "how are you?" and the customer will say "Bud Light" when clearly that was not the question. In turn, you need not ask me how I am doing because I will have to lie and say "I'm good thank you" or some other lame response as it would not be appropriate to say, "I hate my job, and I go home smelling like tortillas".
Some might say, "why do you hate your job so much? It's really important work that you do. You are changing lives." ......"Yes," I say, "one basket of chips at a time."
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